True
by otownsangel
Summary: Just a short Spuffy story set during Get It Done...


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Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ Just a quick little Spuffy story…

  
_Spoilers:_ _"Get It Done"_  
  
_Rating:_ PG  
  
_Author's Notes:_ Very short story… Chances are, I'm gonna go back and rewrite the entire second half, 'cause I wrote the first part like immediately after the episode aired, but I never finished it, and I just found it again tonight… I would've just waited, but the disk I've got it on is screwy, and I didn't wanna risk losing the whole thing… Sorry if it sucks… 

  
_Distribution:_ If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback:_ You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com. 

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True:

As I stand here staring at him, part of me wants to hurt him… Destroy the soul he ran off to find for me, so I can have my warrior back. But another part; some deep , hidden crevice buried in the bottom of my heart wants nothing more than to take him into my arms and hold him for the rest of my life. 

I feel terrible for all the words that are flowing from my lips… I see the pain it's causing everyone in the room… Affecting Spike more than any other. When I look into his eyes I see his soul; I see the hurt I'm causing, and I feel as though I've just ripped out his heart with my bare hands. I'm being too hard… I'm hurting him too much. Destroying him. He's already so vulnerable now… I'm not being fair to him, and I honestly hate myself for making him feel this way. 

And by the end of my tirade, I know damn well that it's showing. I hear it in my own voice as I say the last words I have for him… I have to change the subject, because I know that if I don't I'll break down and it'll all be over… In seconds I would be sobbing and in his arms. 

I hate being the one to cause all that pain…

I know how terrified he is. He's so scared that if he does let himself go, he'll let loose completely and it will all have been for nothing… He's afraid that he'll hurt me. Afraid The First will be able to break through again and this time it will succeed in destroying me through the man I love… The man who loves me… Yes, that's it. The man who loves me. I don't love him. I can't love him. Not ever… Right?

That's not important, anyway. It doesn't matter anymore. Giles is completely right. There is no time for foolish social engagements and romantic ventures. Love means nothing now. Love cannot bring down The First. We have to focus on the fight. My feelings for Spike mean nothing. Spike means nothing…

And yet the pain in his eyes means everything. It breaks my heart; burns my sensitive eyes with hot, stinging tears. Tears I know I can never let him see, for if he does, it will all be over. He will sweep me into his arms and never let me free again. He will force confessions from my lips of things I have yet to admit to myself. I cannot let that happen. I will not let him win… I will not let my heart win…

Even as I think this, I wonder; what ever happened to following my heart? Didn't Giles once say it was one of the qualities he most admired in me? Why is that no longer important? Even with the end of the world fast approaching, shouldn't I be allowed to let myself love? In fact, with the end of the world approaching, shouldn't it be the most important focus now? Without love, I am nothing. Without love, there is nothing but me. Once, that was enough to save the world… But now? Now it's not. It can't be. I can feel it deep in my heart… The heart that I buried long ago. The heart that has been missing from the moment I was pulled from the grave. 

But this time, it's trying to break free. This heart I have struggled so to bury in the dust. My heart wants me to love. My heart wants me to let me in… My heart wants me to love him.

And honestly? I think I do.

I think I always have. And I always will.

And now there is only the pain glimmering in those deep, cerulean eyes. I've hurt him most of all with my damn ranting. Maybe the potentials needed it, but Spike sure as hell didn't deserve it… Not like that. I should have simply talked to him… The way we used to… But I'm too damn proud to do that now, aren't I? I'm stubborn and bitchy and completely cold to him. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves love. I'm not worthy of him… 

But still, he loves me… And more importantly, I love him. More than anything. 

I need to tell him. He needs to know. I'm through hiding; through running. All I want is to be with him. To hell with what Giles says… To hell with what the world says. I love him. This is right. _We_ are right. 

And, in the back of my mind I know… I know that we can win this. As long as we're together… Does good always triumph over evil? No… Of course not. Were that the case, there would be no evil… The one thing that _does_ triumph over evil? True love…

And that's what we have… What we will always have…

True love…


End file.
